Final March Update

Here is the final update for March!

I go over which goals I completed, and which ones I failed. I also talk about my goals for April. There is a reptile expo, and spring break. Which means, I need to save some serious money, quick. Every dollar counts!

Thanks to every who has supported this project and seen the videos.

Next month it seems like I have a full plate. I am sad that I haven't been able to get my licence, and it is already February. However, I did do many other cool things!

Pictures from the NYBG Orchid Show 2011:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2257987&id=6908664&l=8762b9c3c7

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2260763&id=6908664&l=f7397b690b

The music is a remix of sonic the hedgehog, found on this album:
http://sonic2.ocremix.org/

Next month, my goal is to save money, and do my taxes, so that i can buy some cool carnivorous plants at the NY Metro Reptile Expo!

I also plan on attending the MOS meeting during the second week in April. As for my licence, I plan on putting it on hold until I have more time to dedicate to practicing for the exam.

More March Updates!

It seems as if my project has moved off of blogger and has gravitated towards youtube, but fear not! I have not forgotten you!

For the third update in March, I was able to complete 3 more goals off of the list:

And for the fourth update in March, I was able to make serious headway into two more goals, which were organizing my room, and germinating my seeds. I also show off some of my haul stuff from the week, but I think I will keep most of my haul videos on youtube separate from my update videos from now on.

So in the next post, we will see the final video! I am so excited to see what is going to happen next month!

March Updates

Well, I did it again. I forgot to post a video here from my first march update, and now I have a second March Update I need to post as well. Here are the videos:

And

15 Goals for March

1. Organize New Room - Mostly done, but I still need to find a place for my shelves
2. Redecorate Freckles Tank - I just did this today. I reused all of his old ornaments
3. Place for plants and tanks - Already done
4. Attend Orchid Show 3 times - I went once, need to go 2 more times
5. Lose 10 pounds - Have not done. Lets not talk about it...
6. Take Driving Exam - Will do March 11th
7. Call Akkeem - Done
8. Get a haircut - Done
9. Attend MOS meeting - Will do this today!
10. Obtain a free bookshelf - Working on it by emailing people on craigslist. I have sent over 5 emails to people
11. Germinate Sarracenia seeds - In progress
12. Make a DVD For my aunt - Have not done
13. Burn Deathtrap for Ernie - Done
14. Stretch every morning - Am doing this every weekday morning
15. Sell games (FFIX FFOrigins and Fighters MegaMix) - I have sold 2 games, Nights into Dreams Sampler, and FFOrigins. I still need to sell FFIX and Fighters Megamix. I put the Megamix on ebay to see if I can get someone to buy it that way, but if I have no takers by next Friday, I will most likely sell them to a vintage game store.

So many things going on this week. I am also looking out for oldschool video games, crested geckos, books, and other things on craigslist!

The agenda for today is to attend the MOS meeting, redecorate Freckles tank, and do some craigslist things, IF i can.

The Long Walk by Richard Bachman

Abrupt. That is how it ended. Abruptly.

So Garraty loses his mind at the end. THEN what happens? It seems like this book was never finished.

The basic idea is, 99 male teenagers are given the chance to participate in an endurance race. The person who walks the farthest wins, and if you don't win, then you die. If you fall below 4 miles per hour, you are given a warning and after 3 warnings you are shot.

Nowhere are we given any reason for the race. Is it a way to decrease the surplus population? Is it a way to keep misfit kids in check? One of the people in the race (Scramm) was actually married!

The only indication of a time-line we receive is a mention of Kennedy, and John Travolta. Other than that the government situation seems to be a mystery. The race started in Maine and ended in Massachusetts. I was personally rooting for McVries or Stebbins to win. In the end Garraty wins, and continues walking, apparently he has lost his mind.

But this is not the whole story. The person who wins the race is given anything they want. Anything they can possible ask for! Yeah sure, Garraty was out of it at the end of the race, but after they tell him he's won, after he gets a few nights sleep and a few good meals, what is he going to ask for?

That wasn't part of the story of course, and it is left for the reader to decide. Apparently, the story of the Long Walk was only a story of the Long walk, and not a story of it's participants or it's winners. It says nothing about the government, or about our lives. It is just an interesting way to look at death, and a good story.

It was a good story. I think this is one of those books which should be read along with the Hunger Games, 1984, and accompanied by a viewing of Battle Royale. They all have a very similar themes of young people battling against each other, and government willingly killing it's own people.

But you are left to wonder in the end, whatever happened to Maine's very own, Garraty?

This one can't be given a five out of five, because we are still left wondering so much at the end. I can, however, say that the story is very well told, and is one of those books that will stick in my mind for a long time. Depression comes to those in bad situations, and the thought "someone just kill me" is often accompanied with it. In a moment such as this, who wouldn't sign up for the Long Walk? If you win, you get everything you ever wanted. If you lose, you get your wish, for someone to kill you. Odds are 99 to one that you'll lose, but once people start dropping off, your odds only get better and better!

Get walking or get dying!

Rage by Richard Bachman

Ever felt pissed off? Ever had an immature moment where you just felt like showing up to school with a gun and going haywire on the sons of bitches that picked on you, and made you feel inferior?

READ RAGE.

It is an interesting book into the mind of a mad teenager. Upset with the world, he decided to take matters into his own hand and hold an entire class of students hostage (not really, but sort of). You see, everyone in the class WANTED to be there, except for Tom of course. Tom was the only hostage.

The book was an easy read and the ending was obvious albeit, a bit scattered. I am noticing a pattern with Stephen King. He is great at writing books, and telling stories, but for some reason he always misses the punchline/ending. While someone can spot the ending of this book a mile away (the kid gets arrested, but then put in a mental institution because he is considered insane, and thus cannot be held liable for his actions), the way King reveals the ending, through memo's and letters, doesn't flow well with the rest of the story. It works well in the middle of books, like the interdepartmental memos of the Shop in Firestarter, but not in Rage.

Now that thats over, time to read The Long Walk.

Firestarter by Stephen King

Government conspiracies, pyrokinetic children, and telepathic moms. This book is just a journey into a strange little world. This is one every King fan should read, although the ending seemed rushed, and left much to be desired.

Firestarter is about an experiment into the mind, gone wrong. As usual, college students in need of money volunteered for an experiment involving hallucinogens. However, the effects of the drug seemed to be lifelong. Many of the people involved died during the experiment, and those that didn't die obtained strange powers, like mild telekinesis.

The story itself is centered around a little girl (named Charlie), who is the offspring of two individuals who found themselves in need of some money in college. The storyline is simple. Charlie and her father are running away from the Shop, a secret government agency, intent on bringing them in to study them.

Charlie has the ability to start fires, and while the story is interesting, and the character development is complete, the reader is still left wanting to know what happens to Charlie at the end of the book. The ending is abrupt and seemed to be a lazy cop-out to an otherwise well written book.

For the fans of King, this is a must read. If only for the interesting story line. For people looking for a good book, skip this one. The ending will make you feel cheated.

As for me, I am going to read Rage, by Richard Bachman, King's pseudonym.

February Update 3

The video explains a lot, but you are probably wondering about the project, and about the orchid things I mentioned, or even about the song in the background. The links are all included here! Also, again, if you have any ideas for how to make this project better, please leave a comment wherever this video is posted!

Music:

Chrono Cross 'RadicalDreamersAngelic'

If you are wondering about the project, the information you want is here

January's Goal

First February Update

Orchids!

Manhattan Orchid Society

Deep Cut Orchid Society Show (I purchased the Cat. Hybrid here)

NYBG Orchid Show "On Broadway"

Driving School

The big news this week is that I managed to schedule my driving exam for March 11th. I still have to take 2 more formal driving lessons, and I have to practice a lot more before I am fully ready, but I am prepared to do what it takes.

Other than that, I obtained a new Cattleya! I dailybooth about it here

And I also obtained a Sega Saturn!

I am moving before the end of the month. So today was a packing day! Busy busy.

If you want to get an idea of the things going on in my life, you can check for updates on dailybooth

Or on my tumblr account

And as always leave a comment!

February Update 2

The video explains a lot, but you are probably wondering about the project, and about the orchid things I mentioned, or even about the song in the background. The links are all included here! Also, again, if you have any ideas for how to make this project better, please leave a comment wherever this video is posted!

I have taken my first driving class, and it was great! My instructor was patient and kind when I made mistakes. She also gave me a lot of helpful hints, and we even practiced a broken U-turn. My second class is tomorrow (Thursdays Feb. 9th).

Until then, I will be at this weeks meeting of the Manhattan Orchid Society taking place today (February 8th). I will also be going to the Orchid Show at the NYBG in March and April. There is another Orchid Show in New Jersey this weekend, but I am not sure if I will be able to make it due to my inability to drive at this moment, and my lack of car!

Music:
Chrono Cross 'Crossfire'

Project:
You can read about the project here
January's Goal
First February Update

Orchids!:
Manhattan Orchid Society
Deep Cut Orchid Society Show
NYBG Orchid Show "On Broadway"

Driving School

Again leave comments!

February Goal Update Week 1

So I signed up for driving school here in the Bronx!

January - Renew my NYBG membership - Completed
February - Get a license - In Progress

In January 2011, I decided to challenge myself to complete monthly goals to make my life better for ONE YEAR. You can read about it here:
http://jworldpod.blogspot.com/2011/01...

In January I completed the goal of renewing my membership to the NYBotanical Gardens, and now in February I need to get my license. This is just an update for my february goal!

You can download the background music for this video here:
http://ocremix.org/remix/OCR00171/

If you have any suggestions for goals this year, please leave them in the comments section, anywhere you see this video. THANKS!

Needful Things

Usually, you have to do something awesome to be labelled King. Stephen King has been given that title from birth...

Needful Things is an exceptional novel. Taking place in a small town in Maine called Little Rock, King completely immerses his reader is small town life. From the religious fanatics, to the sense of duty peace officers usually feel, King creates a town from the people up.

And then destroys it.

Complete mayhem and destruction. This book should be banned outright because it shows how easy it is to influence americans to annihilate one another. The equation is simple (warning, spoilers):

1. Play to greed

-Leland Gaunt, the proprietor of Needful Things plays this role perfectly. He gives everyone what they want most, in exchange for small pranks.

2. Play on emotions

-The planks played on individuals of the town preyed upon their already pent up emotions, to the point where anger, religious bigotry, and past feuds begin to escalate to the point where people want to kill each other.

3. Set off a chain reaction of destruction in different parts of the town simultaneously.
-Ace Merril and Buster handle this with their bombs, under the direction of Leland Gaunt.

4. Profit

-This is how Leland Gaunt successfully, and nearly-single-handedly destroyed Little Rock, Maine.

Sometimes I am just in the mood to read about something being blown up, or about someone who couldn't arrive in time to save someone else's life. This book is not about how the heroes win. It is about how the bad guys destroy. And at Needful Things (the store owned by Mr. Gaunt), every purchase leads to a little piece of the town dying.

January Goal COMPLETED

Hey guys!

So remember when I put up my project? About completing one task each month for a year? If you haven't read that blog post, you can see it here!

I then posted a video on my youtube channel, stating my goal for the January! And sorry in advance for the crappy sound quality!

And now, here we are, about a week later, and I have completed my January Goal! And yes, I also made a video for that too.

So there ya go! My February task will be to get a NY State Drivers License. This means I need to find a drivin school. Take the 5 hour required Pre-Driving Class, plus the actual driving classes, both beginner and advanced, and then take the test!

I know, that is a lot of work. And money as well. The most expensive driving school I have seen was about 450, but they also teach you advanced lessons, like driving on the highway and that sort of stuff. I will bear the cost of expense again (renewing my membership was 100 dollars), for the benefits I will obtain!

If you know of any good, inexpensive driving school in NYC, let me know. Also if you have any suggestions for monthly goals, please place them in the comments sections below.

January - Renew Membership to the NY Botanical Gardens - Completed!

February - Obtain NY State Drivers License - Pending

Book Reviews!

The last book review I gave was on Richard Dawkins Ancestors Tale. Since then I have read many books. I just wanted to review a few of the more noteworthy ones here.

The Lovely Bones

This book was given to me by my aunt Carmen. She found it in one of those second hand shops for a buck and change. I wouldn't normally pick a book like this up, but since it was a gift I read it. It was a pretty good read, although some of the metaphysical sections were creepy, especially towards the end. This book starts off with the rape and murder of a little girl, and then follows her spirit through heaven. I think it was written more as a drama, since I didn't find it particularly scary, but then again I read a lot of Stephen King, so almost anything else will be child's play in comparison. Overall, while not the normal type of book I will read, I did think it was interesting. Sebold shows us a view of heaven not often seen. It was a good read, but I don't think it is an instant classic, or anything special. Just a good story for people who like drama.

The Hunger Games/Catching Fire/Mockingjay

I had my copy of Mockingjay signed by Suzanne Collins herself at the official book launching event. I hadn't even heard of this series of books until recently. They were written for teens, but I still enjoyed The Hunger Games very much. I purchased all three books, and both me and Donna read them. We both agreed that the first and second books were better than the third. Mockingjay dealt only with the war which made a dictator like society more democratic.

These books had the feel of 1984, where your living in a society where you are always being watched and can be convicted of thinking negative things about the rulers of the society. Mixed with elements of Battle Royale (which made the first book quite entertaining), I would say these sets of books are classics. However, if you can only read one, read The Hunger Games (along with 1984, and seeing the Japanese film, Battle Royale, they all go well together).

The Tales of Beedle the Bard:

Yep, a Harry Potter book. In the 7th book of Harry Potter Hermione was given this book by Albus Dumbledore. The Tales of Beedle the Bard is Hermione's translation of the book from Ancient Runes. It also includes commentary by Dumbledore himself. There are many short story/fairy tales in this book. My favorite would have to be either the tale of 3 brothers, or Babbity Rabbity. In any case, this is a must have for anyone who wants to complete their Harry Potter collection, or for anyone wanting to know more about the series. If you are not a Potter fan, don't even bother with reading the Dumbledore commentary. It wont make sense.

The Liars Tale:

I normally do not read philosophy but this book caught my eye one day while I was walking around The Strand. It is about lying, and why people lie, and why lies are more valuable than the truth. As a scientist, many of the reasons given in the book disgusted me, but they made sense. If everyone always told the truth, there would be no fiction, there would be very little imagination, and life would be rather dull. We need ideas about life, which might not be true, to function. This book explains it all, with a history of philosophical ideas about lying. It is a bit repetitive and long winded at times, much like Dawkins Ancestors tale, so it is not for the faint of heart, but it was still an intellectually good read.

CURRENTLY:
Right now I am reading Stephen King's Needful Things. In an attempt to save money, I am going to be reading a lot of the King books I purchased in high school but never got around to reading.

A New Year!

Well well well.

Here we are in 2011, and it is a new year. It has been a new year for 20 days, and in the past 20 days I have come to a funny conclusion. New Years resolutions do not work.

Most people who join a gym in January quit after a few weeks. Most people who have professional or personal goals in the beginning of the year never meet them. I don't want to go over the why's. The why's are boring. It could be lack of discipline, too large a timeline (which leads people into thinking "I will do it tomorrow"), or maybe people genuinely want to accomplish their goals when stating them, but forget!

Whatever the reason, I have come up with a solution, at least for me. 2010 was a wasted year. Except for all the awesome plants I obtained, 2010 was a year where I didn't grow much. I looked back at the end of 2010, and found myself in worse shape than I was before 2010. The question became then became: Now that you have wasted 2010, what will you do in 2011?

2011? Well, for starters, I know what I am NOT going to do. I refuse to make a New Years resolution, which will be pushed to the back alleys of wishful thinking, in an attempt to make myself feel better. I decided to think about resolutions differently. Why did they come around during New Years? That seems like an arbitrary decision isn't it? If I need to join a gym, why didn't I do it in the fall? If I needed to volunteer more, why didn't I do it in the summer?

The truth is, New Years resolutions are popular but not practical. So how can I, in 2011, make practical resolutions? I have a list of things I need to accomplish in 2011. Not just one big resolution but an entire list! I decided to make a different kind of resolution.

THE NEW MONTH RESOLUTION.

January is almost over, but in January I have constructed the most perfect plan! This plan doesn't involve big, nearly impossible to achieve resolutions. It involves smaller resolutions which can be achieved in the time span of one month!

In 2011, I plan on accomplishing 11 RESOLUTIONS. They will have a small time frame (monthly time frame)! So from January to November, every month, I will begin with a monthly goal. At the end of the month, I should have some sort of sense of accomplishment at completing that goal.

Why not have a goal for December? Well December is a busy month first of all. Secondly, if there was a goal I failed to accomplish, I should be able to play catch-up in December!

Why does this system have advantages over the yearly one?

Well for starters, you have less time to accomplish your goal. So you always feel the pressure to get off your ass and do something so it will be complete by the time the month is over.

Secondly. The goals will not be hugely monstrous, like lose 50 pounds, or get a bigger apartment to live on your own. They will be smaller. You know, like goals someone can actually achieve!

Third, it will not take one year to look back and make assessments! Every month I can look back and say, HOLY COW, I did something cool in March. If I hadn't planned on it, I wouldn't have done it!

And lastly, in December of 2011, even if I did not complete all of my goals, it is quite obvious, that I would have completed some. And if I look back on it, I can say, 2011 was worth something to me. It wasn't wasted like 2010.

But like all resolutions, I need friends who will encourage me! I need your help!

January is almost over, so I will be making a very small goal (see future blog, coming sometime later this week). And I have a goal for February. But I need people to suggest small goals for me to accomplish. If a goal is worthy enough, I will add it on my to do list for one of the months, and I will do my best to accomplish it! Lets see how many I can do!

You can leave me suggestions for monthly resolutions on my facebook page!

http://www.facebook.com/jmejia1187

And don't be shy!

On Why I can't get my shit together

Many older people keep asking me why I don't have a better job. And if I plan on living with my mother forever. And they often say I wasted my time in college since I have nothing to show for it.

I have often questioned myself. Why can't I get my shit together? Get a better job? Live in an apartment with my girlfriend? Leave my moms house once and for all.

The answer came to me a few days ago. I was at home, and mom asked me to look for apartments online. I knew she had planned to move out of here. There were problems with the landlord, and the rent was "too high". I put too high in quotations because the truth is, this apartment is a steal for 1600. It is adequately priced. The problem is, my mother doesn't make enough money to live here.

But what if we lived somewhere we could afford? What would that look like? It would most likely be a far more dangerous neighborhood, in a small apartment, with no parking. She doesn't understand that if she is looking for a place for 1200, then compromises need to be made.

But the answer to my problems are simple when I look at her. I can't get my situation stable, because at the foundation, my situation is unstable. I don't where where I am going to be living 6 months from now. And if we do move, we might move again 1 year later... I should have never packed my things after college.

In the last 6 years, from the time I started college to now, I have lived on Castle Hill in the Bronx, in a house in Florida with my aunt, in the projects in soundview, and here in Claysons Point. 6 years, 4 "permanent" addresses. And people ask ME why I don't have a good and stable job.

How can I even go to college? The application date for this fall was February. I am not even trying to apply. I mean, why even bother going to college, if I have to worry about moving into a new apartment every year. There will be no time to study, if I am constantly packing and unpacking all of my belongings.

Maybe I am looking for a scapegoat. A reason for my current situation. I am not happy where I am right now. I know I don't have my shit together. But how am I supposed to learn to drive, while looking for a good job, while looking for a place to live, since my mother seems to distraught to do so, because my grandmother recently died. She was crying today because Monday is going to be the 1 month anniversary of the loss of my grandmother. So she sent me to look for apartments for us. I found one, and we went to see it today. In the end, she says it was too small. In the end, I say she will not find what she is looking for, for the price tag she is looking at.

And so maybe we deserve to be in a bad neighborhood. In a big nameless building with roaches crawling in, and mice escaping the winter cold. We deserve it, because no matter how much we work, we are poor.

And I only say we are poor because most of the problems I have revolve around money. It is why we can't stay in this apartment, and why we need to move, and why mom can't settle on a place to move into. It is why I am not in NYU, or CUNY, or some other school. It is why I don't have a licence. Because I don't even have the money to go out and pay for classes for someone else to teach me how to drive. And so I say I am poor. Even though mom says we are lower middle class, because she makes 30 k, she is lying. I know poor when I see it. Poor is getting white bread at the store because the nutritional grain bread, and wheat bread is too expensive.

Poor is only buying canned food that won't spoil instead of fruits because you can be sure it will eventually be used for food, while fruits might go bad. I know poor. I know how to live poor. And maybe the change I need to make is acting like I am poorer than I am. Perhaps even 10 dollar orchids should be too expensive for me. Perhaps I should live like even the unhealthiest McDonalds is too much to buy, because I have food at home. Maybe the only price I should look at is free. Maybe that would give me the opportunity to save some money and get out of here.

Perhaps.

Out of Proportion

My aunt has done it again. A little crazy here and there I can handle, but a personal attack is too much.

I was with my mother, and she asked me to bring Mara's baby, who was walking up and down the stairs to her. Jennifer, my extremely smart and talented cousin, had the baby, and so I asked her to let me have her.

My aunt Jenny then asked me about the website wikileaks. I don't know much about it, except that it had recently released some confidential government documents which put our national security at risk, and that it's owner is currently being held in prison on rape charges. I told her about the rape charges, since I heard her already speaking about the documents.

I wasn't looking at her though. I was looking at the baby which was being handed to me. And she started asking why I have a problem with her. I answered that I don't, I was only there to get the baby, and she got upset. She came into the room where my mother was lying down, with a headache, and started complaining. Saying that I was ignoring her, and avoiding her. The truth is I wasn't. I just prefer to be alone. I haven't spoken to her more, or less, than any of my other aunts and relatives from Puerto Rico, except for my Uncle Junior, and my mother.

My Uncle Junior I am close to. He and I have video games in common. As for my mother, well... she's my mother.

The point is, my aunt Jenny is crazy, and she makes shit up. She came barging in. She asked my mother what problem I have with her. Thus breaking the 3 laws of relationships.

1. If you have a problem with someone, who is an adult, go to the person, not their mother.
2. If there is a problem with anyone, NEVER barg in and start a confrontation. Situations can mostly be solved with civil discourse.
3. If there is a problem, you ALWAYS look at yourself first, because there are two sides to every story, and unless you can see the person eye to eye, there will never be any resolution.

She told my mom she was asking me questions and I was ignoring her. Yes, true. I was ignoring EVERYONE. ask any of my cousins how many times I have walked right by them without saying anything, and they will say many. Also, I consider it a huge disrespect that she brought these things to my mother, instead of bringing them to me.

My mother started getting upset, and her headache flaired up. I shouted at my aunt. I yelled at the top of my lungs. YOU LIE. I told her I answered her fucking questions. I reminded her of what happened but she insisted that I was purposely going against her. That I was being quiet to her.

My mom ended the conversation very quickly. She yelled at Jenny AND me, saying we didn't have any respect. That she had a headache, and that we need to end it. Jenny left the room. And my other aunt, Evelyn, went into the room to get mom an Oxycotin, because her slight headache had flaired into something worse.

She is better now. I am at peace.

But damn, if I am calm, why would you go to my mother. Do you think there is something I will not tell you to your face that I will say in front of my mother?

I love my aunt Jenny, and I recognize that this is a tough time. But it is a tough time for EVERYONE, including me and my mother. Sometimes it is difficult to see beyond yourself. I have been worried about mom all day, and have been reminiscent about both my grandmother, and my dog, Heaven.

During the funeral, I pictured heaven running towards grandma. She is the first one I know to go, so my dog, which was put to sleep about 3 years ago, was waiting for someone, anyone, in my family to meet her. And I was also thinking about my grandmother, and the good times she had. And the times she would sit and watch novellas at night. How she was always up early. She was strong, and I can only imagine the pain she felt at the end.

But I have tried not to be in anyones way. I even told junior this morning, about how I wasn't going to shower before the funeral, because there were lots of people in the house, and the last thing I wanted was to be in anyones way. I didn't shower before the funeral. I showered at about 3 pm. When most people were away, and my sister and stepdad were about to leave.

I was not looking for a reason to be angry. But sometimes people are too much. What hurts the most isn't that I didn't even provoke her. If I had done something deserving of her anger, I would understand, but she just went off.

I will not stay shut though. I will defend myself.

Freezing in Florida

I am so cold here in Florida. I am sleeping in my cousin Eddie's room, and it was cold. It is alright when I am under the covers, but the morning hours are terrible. Tomorrow is my Grandmothers funeral.

I guess it makes sense that the temperature should be so cold at this time. I wish Donna were here to keep me warm. I hardly speak to anyone in my family. I like to be alone. Sometimes I think of grandmother, but mostly I think about my mother, and how well she is handling this. I am proud of her.

They keep asking me to join them and the family. They keep asking me to be with them during their time of grieving, and while they talk. They never talk to me. I am alone, even among people who seek me. They want to see my face, but they don't see me. Not like mom sees me. Not like Donna sees me. Nobody asks me what I am doing with my life, or whether I finished school, or anything.

I know, it sounds selfish, to want someone to talk to. Someone close to me. But I am alright, I am okay by myself in the garage, thinking to myself, and playing with my phone. But don't expect me to be grateful when people ask me to spend time with my family, when they never talk to me. Yes, I am a face. But to them, that is all I am. They talk to each other about each other, and about the family, but not to me. Not to me. Not at all.

Not one word.

Now my aunt Jenny is saying she wants to use the internet. I was in the room for a long time. For a long time she could have used it, but now I am on, writing this, and I will not get off until I am done. It is freezing in Florida, but the temperature seems just right. Just right.

It is cold here. It has to be cold, for people to be so loud, but to say so little. It has to be cold, for people to want to see a face, but not know or talk to it. Of course it is cold, this is my "family".

I purchased the tales of Beadle the Bard by J.K. Rowling. I read a bit on my way here, but I haven't had an opportunity to read since I got here.

Have You Ever Felt Like This?

Keith Olbermann Sends me an Email

Earlier this week, Keith Olbermann, political pundit and host of MSNBC's nightly show "Countdown", was suspended indefinitely, due to campaign contributions. Soon after, the twittersphere, and facebook was all abuzz concerning reinstating Keith to his original weekend. This past weekend, he was reinstated, and just today, Keith sent me, and many of his loyal supporters, an email:

BREAKING: Keith Olbermann just released the below "Statement To The Viewers Of Countdown"

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Statement To The Viewers Of Countdown

I want to sincerely thank you for the honor of your extraordinary and ground-rattling support.

Your efforts have been integral to the remedying of these recent events, and the results should remind us of the power of individuals spontaneously acting together to correct injustices great or small.

...I also wish to apologize to you viewers for having precipitated such anxiety and unnecessary drama. You should know that I mistakenly violated an inconsistently applied rule – which I previously knew nothing about -- that pertains to the process by which such political contributions are approved by NBC.

Certainly this mistake merited a form of public acknowledgment and/or internal warning, and an on-air discussion about the merits of limitations on such campaign contributions by all employees of news organizations.

Instead, after my representative was assured that no suspension was contemplated, I was suspended without a hearing, and learned of that suspension through the media.

You should also know that I did not attempt to keep any of these political contributions secret; I knew they would be known to you and the rest of the public. I did not make them through a relative, friend, corporation, PAC, or any other intermediary, and I did not blame them on some kind of convenient 'mistake' by their recipients.

When a website contacted NBC about one of the donations, I immediately volunteered that there were in fact three of them; and contrary to much of the subsequent reporting, I immediately volunteered to explain all this, on-air and off, in the fashion MSNBC desired.

I genuinely look forward to rejoining you on Countdown on Tuesday, to begin the repayment of your latest display of support and loyalty - support and loyalty that is truly mutual.

When Violence Is Uncalled For

Violence is always uncalled for. No matter what someone says, or does, violence is always uncalled for.

I have been picked on in school when I was younger. I was always beaten, and always abused, both verbally and physically. Everyone has dealt with bullies once or twice in their life, but they seemed to attract around me like flies to a light.

My stepdad, Piry used to tell me to man up. He used to tell me to work out, and fight back. This animalistic ritual of fighting is never the answer. Yes, it might get one bully off your back, but losing your civilized mind, to become like an animal, and giving into those animalistic feelings, are not worth it.

So if someone were to tell me Puerto Ricans were statistically lazy, or statistically more violent than white people, I'd agree. First of all the statistics are true. Puerto Ricans are more likely to join gangs, and less likely to have good jobs for long periods of time. It is all true, there is nothing to argue. I am Puerto Rican, and I am not like that, but that doesn't mean there isn't a trend, so I do not get upset. When they shout those statistics, I am confident in saying I am an outlier, and it makes me happy.

However some people are not so happy when they hear the facts. They start screaming racism, and resorting to violence, and thus, they perpetuate the things that are said about them. Instead of saying "Oh, I will show them", and going out and getting a college degree, and a good job, they get upset and act like animals, and become violent, or threaten violence. WHY??? WHY??? WHY???

In life I have fought to defend myself physically. That is the only time it is okay to be violent. When your life is in danger. It is not okay to be violent when someone calls me a spic, and not okay to be violent when someone says I am no good, or lazy, even if these things are not true. I do not feel the need to beat people up who shout out stupidities.

But I do think there is a problem when other people feel the need to get violent, or to threaten violence. Words should never lead to violence. Sticks and stones, remember?

If I am saying something, and we are having a discussion, no one should ever tell me to shut up or they will slap me. This urge to violence, this compulsion, this pent up emotion expressing itself in physical form is juvenile, and anyone who gives into it is setting their people back thousands of years.

A few days ago, I was mugged. They took some food I brought at a grocery store, and I didn't fight back. The people who resorted to violence against me, set themselves back. They became a statistic to add into a long line of statistics. But most of all, they showed the difference between them and me. I have gotten into heated discussions in high school and in college, but I never felt the need to harm another person.

Biophilia is the love of living things. I have biophilia, and so I became a biologist. I grow orchids, and geckos in my house, and I feel strange in NYC, where I am not constantly surrounded by trees, or birds. I am comfortable in my life, and my love of life. And just because I am an easy target for people with less than good intentions, does not mean there is anything wrong with me, or that I need to "Man Up". My stepfather was wrong, and now he is in jail, another statistic, paying for the consequences of his actions.

I wonder if people who have the "Man Up" mentality aren't setting themselves up for failure. Instead of getting strong physically to intimidate people into giving you what you want, how about being different than what the statistics say you should be? How about going to college, and then getting a job, and not losing that job? How about, instead of "Manning Up", you grow up, and live in a civilized world, where survival of the fittest doesn't apply because everyone is well fed and thus surviving? (at least this is the case throughout most of America).

Most homeless people are starving, and not even they have the survival of the fittest mentality. They walk through the train stations asking for food, and donations so they can get something to eat. And yes, many of them have mental problems or vices, but they do not resort to intimidation or violence to survive. Meanwhile, other people feel the need to resort to these tactics to obtain something less than survival, like a new pair of shoes or a coat. Why is this so? What is going on in these peoples heads? And why is such behavior more prevalent in some races than in others?

It may be cultural or socio-economic, but the truth is, no matter what the reason is, it is wrong. Violence, unless it is an attempt to defend yourself is always wrong. It is wrong to be violent against your family, against the people you disagree with, and even against the people who are out to get you. This is 2010, and we have cell phones, and the internet, and have put a man on the moon, and have found out how to get energy from the sun. Either join society, or go to the jungle and act like an animal. But don't terrorize society because you can't control your emotions and have a grudge. And certainly don't blame society for your obvious shortcomings. For your inability to control your anger, or your emotions. For your overreactions to mere words. Society doesn't need to Man Up. YOU need to Grow Up.

Bring on The Zombie Apocalypse, When Terrible isn't Terrible

Nowadays, it seems like you can hardly look at pop culture sci-fi on a forum without coming up to a reference of the zombie apocalypse.

Resident Evil, 28 Days Later, Night of the Living Dead, ZombieLand, World War Z, Cell, and even the video game Left 4 Dead. In recent years people have become obsessed with the zombie apocalypse! In the 80's and 90's people were more terrified of the robot apocalypse, with movies like Terminator, multiple video games on the genre, and the book How To Survive a Robot Uprising: Tips on Defending Yourself Against the Coming Rebellion

But will the zombie apocalypse be so bad? What is a zombie but an undead creature walking around in search for something to eat. Yes it is more animalistic than our current state, but is it anymore animalistic than any other scavenger?

The truth is, most of the time, people wander around, do some work, and get money, to then pay rent and eat. While working Saturday, the day before Halloween, a zombie came into the store and asked for some water, and the thought came to me, that a zombie apocalypse wouldn't be so bad. Not at all. While walking home from work, I passed by many people, and in my mind, I saw them all as zombies. There was no real difference. They seemed to walk around aimlessly, but it wasn't too hard to imagine.

It would be terrible though, but exciting. I think the sentiments were best expressed by Willy Wonka, in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Watch the video linked until about 3 minutes and 15 seconds in.

Watch the Video

Willy Wonka knew when terrible wasn't terrible. Because sometimes terrible is used to describe degree rather than good or bad. For example, you can have a bad cough, an intense cough, or a terrible cough. They all mean the same thing, with the word before "cough" signaling it's intensity. If zombies were to start taking over, many people would be frightened, but I would welcome the change. We need a change. Any change. Too many things have been the same for too long.

Which I why I welcome small changes. As many of my readers know, I am not a very happy person, but I sometimes do get a chance to smile. This is a welcome change. It is also usually, very abrupt. But usually I stop smiling and look away after a while, not because it is bad, but because it is terrible.

Next time, I hope it lasts.