Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Out of Proportion

My aunt has done it again. A little crazy here and there I can handle, but a personal attack is too much.

I was with my mother, and she asked me to bring Mara's baby, who was walking up and down the stairs to her. Jennifer, my extremely smart and talented cousin, had the baby, and so I asked her to let me have her.

My aunt Jenny then asked me about the website wikileaks. I don't know much about it, except that it had recently released some confidential government documents which put our national security at risk, and that it's owner is currently being held in prison on rape charges. I told her about the rape charges, since I heard her already speaking about the documents.

I wasn't looking at her though. I was looking at the baby which was being handed to me. And she started asking why I have a problem with her. I answered that I don't, I was only there to get the baby, and she got upset. She came into the room where my mother was lying down, with a headache, and started complaining. Saying that I was ignoring her, and avoiding her. The truth is I wasn't. I just prefer to be alone. I haven't spoken to her more, or less, than any of my other aunts and relatives from Puerto Rico, except for my Uncle Junior, and my mother.

My Uncle Junior I am close to. He and I have video games in common. As for my mother, well... she's my mother.

The point is, my aunt Jenny is crazy, and she makes shit up. She came barging in. She asked my mother what problem I have with her. Thus breaking the 3 laws of relationships.

1. If you have a problem with someone, who is an adult, go to the person, not their mother.
2. If there is a problem with anyone, NEVER barg in and start a confrontation. Situations can mostly be solved with civil discourse.
3. If there is a problem, you ALWAYS look at yourself first, because there are two sides to every story, and unless you can see the person eye to eye, there will never be any resolution.

She told my mom she was asking me questions and I was ignoring her. Yes, true. I was ignoring EVERYONE. ask any of my cousins how many times I have walked right by them without saying anything, and they will say many. Also, I consider it a huge disrespect that she brought these things to my mother, instead of bringing them to me.

My mother started getting upset, and her headache flaired up. I shouted at my aunt. I yelled at the top of my lungs. YOU LIE. I told her I answered her fucking questions. I reminded her of what happened but she insisted that I was purposely going against her. That I was being quiet to her.

My mom ended the conversation very quickly. She yelled at Jenny AND me, saying we didn't have any respect. That she had a headache, and that we need to end it. Jenny left the room. And my other aunt, Evelyn, went into the room to get mom an Oxycotin, because her slight headache had flaired into something worse.

She is better now. I am at peace.

But damn, if I am calm, why would you go to my mother. Do you think there is something I will not tell you to your face that I will say in front of my mother?

I love my aunt Jenny, and I recognize that this is a tough time. But it is a tough time for EVERYONE, including me and my mother. Sometimes it is difficult to see beyond yourself. I have been worried about mom all day, and have been reminiscent about both my grandmother, and my dog, Heaven.

During the funeral, I pictured heaven running towards grandma. She is the first one I know to go, so my dog, which was put to sleep about 3 years ago, was waiting for someone, anyone, in my family to meet her. And I was also thinking about my grandmother, and the good times she had. And the times she would sit and watch novellas at night. How she was always up early. She was strong, and I can only imagine the pain she felt at the end.

But I have tried not to be in anyones way. I even told junior this morning, about how I wasn't going to shower before the funeral, because there were lots of people in the house, and the last thing I wanted was to be in anyones way. I didn't shower before the funeral. I showered at about 3 pm. When most people were away, and my sister and stepdad were about to leave.

I was not looking for a reason to be angry. But sometimes people are too much. What hurts the most isn't that I didn't even provoke her. If I had done something deserving of her anger, I would understand, but she just went off.

I will not stay shut though. I will defend myself.

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