Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Ass Complex Conundrum

While on a quest to buy 30 crickets to be brutally massacred by an insatiable Golden Gecko, I noticed something particularly troubling. 2 teens, who should have been at school around 12:30, were passing by in short skirts (which was appropriate attire 2 months ago, but now they are pushing it), while 3 hispanic/black men were heckling them about the size of their butts. Now, I am not a prude, and I do appreciate a sizable butt, but I have noticed a trend in the Bronx, and the trend itself is more troubling than the action itself.

I have personally never shouted at a stranger on the street to let her know how "fine" her "ass" is on that particular day, and for some reason, I have never felt the need too. I am not gay. I do enjoy butts, and yes, when they are nice and plump they are fun to play with, along with a healthy set of boobs, but my problem, again, isn't with the action itself but the trend. Why do men feel the need to shout out to every girl they think is hot? Does this actually work on any girl? In my mind, this would actually decrease their chances of obtaining what they (biologically) are trying to work for.

Also, I like when girls wear short skirts, and tight shorts. This is no secret. I don't always get a hard on when they pass by, and so I do not share Sir Mix Alot's sentiment, when he stated how he got"sprung" when a girl passed by with an 'itty bitty waist, and a round thing" in his "face". But one reason for not saying (or shouting, as the men today were doing) at these girls is because it may make them feel uncomfortable. They may get self conscious when grandpa (did I mention all the guys looked 40?) starts hitting on them. I can imagine tomorrow they will wear something else to prevent the guys from yelling about how they want to "tap that", and thus decreasing the short skirts and tight shorts for everyone else's viewing pleasure.

And that is the Ass Complex Conundrum (ACC). Why would a man point out a girl with a nice butt, and revealing clothing, publicly, when it decreases the number of girls with revealing clothing, and simultaneously decreases his chances of getting what he wants with that particular girl?

I have 2 possible explanations for the ACC. The first is biological. I personally think there is something wrong with these men. They salivate like dogs at the sight of these women. Perhaps they biologically cannot help it! It may be a mental issue, or it may also be hormonal. Perhaps an increase in testosterone or adrenaline (or both). And no, an increase in testosterone does not make you more "manly", only more dickish (according to my observations).
The second possible explanation for the ACC is religious. Men do it in packs. It is a communal experience between males where they get together to worship the butt. I like the religious excuse better than the biological one. Religious people have faith in things that will never ever happen. Christians have been waiting for the return of a zombie for over 2 thousand years! In the same way ACC as a religion makes sense. They will worship the ass, making it harder to obtain, while simultaneously feeding into their faith that they will one day obtain it. I also like the religious excuse because it can be untaught. Religion is like culture, it is not engrained or hard wired, just practiced, and thought to be the correct way of doing things. Most logical human beings will switch over to a different way of doing things, if it is shown that the different way is better. The religious excuse has a cure, and gives me hope, the biological one puts fear in me.

Wow, I admitted on my blog that religion gives me hope… (awkward silence).

So, comment questions for those who want to respond below:
1. Come up with an excuse for the ACC that is not biological or religious or
2. Do you support or object to ACC?
Leave your interesting or creative responses in the comment section below.


  1. I think you're putting WAY to much thought into this.

    Item A. Women are sluts. Item B. Men are horndogs.

    it goes well together, overall.

  2. Men never have an excuse to objectify women that way. Guys who act like that make me sick.

  3. As long as there will be women to dress like that, there will be men to shout them shit like that

  4. great stuff thnx for the info